Hannah Dolan is a Jefferson City native who went to college out-of-state before returning home. During her college years, she was able to explore her sexuality.
She spoke about embracing her authentic lesbian self.
Alphabet Soup shares LGBTQ+ Missourians’ stories through portraiture and personal narratives.
Hannah Dolan: I lived here most of my life, until I started getting really involved in theater, which is what I ended up going to my undergraduate for.
That took me away to Central New York, and it was really there and in college that I really began to find my own sense of identity.
My freshman year, there was one week I got on the dating apps, and I had, like, five dates in one week with guys.
I was, I got a little – I definitely wasn't making maybe safe choices for myself because I think you're so focused on getting out there and experiencing things that you don't really ask yourself what you want.
But it was my sophomore year of college where I was like, “Mhmm,” and long before I ever began thinking these thoughts myself, I had people being like, “Oh, are you a lesbian? Are you gay? You have to be gay.”
And these comments would always, like, kind of make me flustered, I mean, I grew up very Catholic. I was, you know, there was a time where I was very conservative and pro-life. I grew up in that household.
Now, I definitely have learned a lot since then, so my views are very different, I would say.
But there's something about, I don't know – always knowing yourself or, like, how interesting it is that other people can clock you when you can't even clock yourself.
I was part of a drama department, and we had a party house, and the theme that night was “Glitter & Be Gay,” and, yeah, so that night, I was like, “You know what? I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna kiss, I'm gonna – my goal is to, like, kiss a girl.”
And I left that day having accomplished my goal, and the minute I locked lips with a lady, I was like, “Okay, we're not straight. We don't know what I am, but it's definitely not straight.”
Coming back home to mid-Missouri, I realized – I had just gotten out of a relationship in central New York – and I realized I didn't want to live with another roommate again.
And I realized living on my own was only going to be financially possible if I came home and lived with my parents for a while.
So I did, and then I moved out and living my best life, living alone.
But as far as advice goes for young people considering moving back to their parents or moving back to red state or a red town, you just have to remind yourself that your queerness doesn't go away.
I didn't really realize it until like – you're really coming out every day. You really are.
I think queer authenticity takes a lot of bravery, but it's also so much more satisfying to be myself in a space, even if it's not welcome after the fact, or people are making comments behind my back about it.
It's so much more satisfying to be myself. To post the thing I want to post. To put the pictures up in my home that I want to like.
I can't have it any other way. It's just, like, life is so short to be worried about, frankly, what the haters think.
