Em is a 14-year-old pansexual teen who has known she was queer from a young age. She spoke about coming out as a young person and the support of her family.
Alphabet Soup shares LGBTQ+ Missourians’ stories through portraiture and personal narratives.
Em Winter: So, my story kind of starts when I was eight-ish. Peak pandemic, and so, my mom's – one of my mom's best friends was doing a class about the Black Lives Matter movement, women's suffrage movements, and during that, she was like, “What is one thing like about you that no one else knows?”
And I was like, “Well, I'm bi,” and she was like, “Oh, okay!”
Laughter
And so, she and my brother were the first person that ever found out.
And I waited almost two years to tell my dad. I was terrified to tell my dad. I don't know why I was so scared to tell my dad because he's not, like, homophobic or anything. I don't know why I was so scared to tell him, but yeah –
And then, so, two years later, I told him, and I was like, “Oh yeah, and my girlfriend – “
"I definitely think my relationship with my parents have just gotten stronger, if anything."
I was like, “Should not have said that. Your dad knows you're gay now. Nooo.”
And he was like, “your girlfriend? Question mark.” And I was like, “Oh yeah, I'm pan,” and he was like, “Cool, good to know.”
I don't know how he hadn't figured that out because my favorite things in the world were cats and rainbows. So, I don't know how he hadn't figured it out by now – especially from the pride flag in my room.
So, to know at a young age was definitely difficult because my classmates, like, didn't even know what gay meant.
So like, when I came out, I thought I had to come out to everyone, or else I wasn't actually gay. I don't know why I thought that, but I thought that.
So, I came out to, like, my whole class as a group announcement in fifth grade. But it’s okay – it was a little bit strange,
But no one else my age – except for, I mean, obviously my girlfriend at the time – “Girlfriend. Quotes” – but I feel like it was that way because my parents raised me in a no question is a dumb question house.
And I felt that that really helped my upbringing a lot, and helped shape my identity at a young age, for sure.
My relationship with my mom has gotten stronger.
She – one of my favorite stories to tell about my mom is after I came out, we were in the car, and she just – we were being quiet, and it was really awkward and whatever, and she just randomly says, “You know, before you were born, I wished my kids would be gay.”
And I said, “I mean, your wish is my command, Mom.” That's exactly what I told her, and that's exactly what she said to me, and I was like, “but why?”
And she was like, “Well, I want them to have a safe home where they that I know that they'll be, like, treated well and not treated poorly because of who they are or who they love.”
And I was like, ”That is so beautiful,” and so, that was – that's like, my favorite quote from my mom ever. I use it all the time.
But I definitely think my relationship with my parents have just gotten stronger, if anything.
