The COVID-19 pandemic has hit families similarly across the globe as they found themselves home for weeks- which turned into months. However, families who foster face different complications.
Nakole Wooley and her husband Brandon are living their lives at home with two biological and three foster care children. At the age of 39, Nakole sometimes finds it hard to catch a break in the midst of it all.
“I'm not a young mom,” Wooley said. “And I don’t have the advantage, I feel like, to wear them out. Because I don't have the same energy that I had when I was 25.”
Foster families are experiencing these same levels of stress as any other family all while they navigate a new world at home. Wooley said many days her kids have “massive meltdowns.”
Amy Martin is the program manager for Missouri’s Children Division of Foster Care and Adoption and explains how kids have a lot on their plate.
“The kids that are in foster care right now are experiencing the same experience that other children are experiencing with having to do their schoolwork from home and having to shelter-in-place,” Martin said. “And the difference that we would see with foster children as opposed to your typical child would be that they have had ongoing visitation with their parents.”
Nicole Campione-Barr, an associate professor of psychological sciences at MU, said even though virtual communication is what families are relying on, it doesn’t always make up for being with others in-person. Zoom and facetime are some of the only ways to socialize with people outside of your house.
“[Video calls] feel more performance-like than actual interaction with people. And so it can be draining, especially for anybody to have to do several of those at one time,” Campione-Barr said.
Oftentimes, Wooley has back-to-back virtual visits with their caseworker, CASA worker and the biological family of the kids she fosters.
While these children are staying home with their parents, it can cause additional stress for parents as they take on multiple roles of educator and parent. Beth Orns is a counselor at a local private practice called Brave counseling, and she has seen external pressure shift onto parents in recent weeks.
“Within families where there's children, they're becoming daycare providers and teachers and employees at home, and having to navigate all those new roles that they were not planning to take on,” Orns said.
Since the world has been on lockdown, Nakole Wooley and her husband are doing their best to stay sane in their own home. From being creative with games and activities, to taking the kids on a drive. Wooley said what works best for their family is to find a new routine and stick to it.
“We get up in the morning, the kids have been doing cosmic kid yoga, then we go into classroom time, and then by the time we're done doing all the school staff, it's lunchtime.”
In order to stay sane, Campione-Barr said to work on conflict resolution when fights emerge and advises’ plenty of alone time for parents and kids.
“It's important for you to be able to have your own personal sphere, and that you should feel protected to go back if you are having a hard time,” Campione-Barr said.
Nakole Wooley is learning how to adjust to the new normal, just like everybody else.
“Just giving yourself permission to take the break...that is something that I have had to learn in the last several weeks and giving myself permission that I cannot do it all, and it's okay that I can’t do it all,” Wooley said.