KBIA News

Alphabet Soup

What radical courage does it take to love in the face of hate? Through portraiture and personal narratives highlighting joy, belonging, found family and meaningful romantic and platonic relationships, KBIA’s Alphabet Soup challenges the notion that Missouri’s LGBTQ+ community is a monolith.Tucked away within the amalgamation of letters that makes up the LGBTQ+ community and the complex identities each represents is joy: rebellious, resistant, radiant. If you have a story you would like to share, visit https://tinyurl.com/LGBTQJoy or contact news@kbia.org.Created by Bailey Stover.

Jane Lavender & Hudson Giles-Lavender: "I'm so happy that we're still together after all these years."

KBIA | By Reporter & Photographer: Bailey Stover, Producer: Rebecca Smith, Photo Editor: Nick Sheaffer

Published June 7, 2024 at 2:00 PM CDT

Hudson Giles-Lavender, left, and Jane Lavender, right, who have been together for 23 years, laugh together on their couch on Friday, March 29, 2024, at their home in Columbia. “When do you drop the hand? Like, you're walking down the road, you're like, happy as a queer little bunny rabbit holding hands. And then someone shows up that makes you feel unsafe. That is so rare for me, the older I get,” Giles-Lavender said. “I feel like if I want to kiss Jane anywhere and say goodbye or hello, I shall. If we want to have a loud, raucous-y party with a gay flag on the house and have all our lovely, wonderful queer friends over, we shall. If we want to take over a restaurant with all that is us as a community, we will. I feel like just being who I am all the time.”

Jane Lavender and Hudson Giles-Lavender have been together for decades and were legally married in 2015.

They shared the story about how they met and fell in love – both with their authentic selves and one another.

Alphabet Soup shares LGBTQ+ Missourians’ stories through portraiture and personal narratives.

Jane Lavender (she/her, 62): Kind eyes. My first and lasting impression is, “This woman has kind of eyes, and if I ever get a chance to know her, I would really like to know her.”

Hudson Giles-Lavender (she/her, 60): Oh, my goodness gracious.

Three images of Hudson Giles-Lavender and Jane Lavender from the Michigan Women’s Music Festival rest in a picture frame on Friday, March 29, 2024, at the Lavenders’ home in Columbia. The pair had attended the festival a couple of times before, but Giles-Lavender said during that particular time she and Lavender shared a meaningful moment together in their tent. “It was, ‘Let's just love each other without holding back and see what happens,’” Lavender said. “And then we just loved each other fully and full-on ever since.”

Laughter

Hudson: Well, I thought that she's pretty darn cute – was my first impression. You are. You’re very cute.

So, at this party where, I think for the first time, really took note of you, I was with a friend and I said, “Now who is that?” And she said, “That’s Jane Lavender.” I said, “Oh my,” and I had the audacity to introduce myself.

Jane: Yep. Had me sweating.

Laughter

Jane: Trying to play very cool.

Hudson: You did a good job,

Jane: But I was very nervous.

Hudson: I was too.

Jane: Yeah.

Hudson: I had been in the straight world for many, many years. Birthed six children, and had been out before Jane and I met, but still new to being out.

So, when I came here – I was just a straight, poor, Black mother struggling and trying to find my way someplace it felt safe, right?

Took years of me figuring out how to get my life settled in Columbia, Missouri, and a huge part of that was when I happened into – first of all, I went to Stephen's college – so, I happened into these environments where women were thinking and free to think.

I was in relationship with a man that turned out very poorly because I was fighting my voice, and I was fine with that, and I had a three-year hiatus from any relationship. Best three years of my life.

Not really. These are good years, too.

Jane: No, no, I totally get it.

A photo of Jane Lavender, left, and Hudson Giles-Lavender, right, during their 2008 commitment ceremony in Capen Park sits on a table in the wives’ living room on Friday, March 29, 2024, at their home in Columbia. “We did a commitment ceremony when you couldn't legally be married in Missouri,” Giles-Lavender said. “Beautiful ceremony. Lovely, lovely, lovely, lots of tears and joy, and just a few friends [and] our kids.” Seven years later, when the U.S. Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage on June 26, 2015, Jane Lavender proposed to her now wife. “Our life is so rich, so full, so full, so many blessings,” Lavender said.

Hudson: But, at that moment, I had never had freedom. I’d never had times to – now, I feel a little teary – to consider who I am, you know, I was still a baby at that stage. In my, I was in my late 20.

But over the time of hanging out with people and learning to enjoy and be open to people, I discovered that part of me and it was very freeing and life changing.

And let's not act like all queer people are perfect people, but in the beginning it does feel Utopic. it felt like Utopia.

Laughter

Jane: I love, adore you. I'm so happy that we're still together after all these years –

Hudson: Me too.

Jane: – and I get to look at those beautiful brown eyes, those kind loving eyes.

Hudson: You’re my, you're my favorite person. You’re my absolute favorite person.

Jane: And you’re mine.