Being queer & disabled 'gives me more ability to enrich my life through community.'

By Bailey Stover,

Published September 19, 2024 at 6:06 PM CDT

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Grey Riley sits in their living room on Wednesday, April 10, 2024, at their home in Columbia. When her son came out as nonbinary in middle school, Riley began having conversations about gender with other people, which helped them realize their own genderqueerness identity. “My internal sense of self was very fluid and shiftable. And sometimes I could feel girlish ways but then sometimes I could feel boyish ways, and 90% of the time I just felt like an alien or a cryptid, or something,” Riley said. “I think, honestly, so much of the conversations around identity and the queer community kind of go in reverse. Like, the younger kids are the ones out there teaching us about ourselves more than we are teaching them about themselves. And I think that's honestly really been true for, like, a lot of the history of the queer community. A lot of times it's been the younger people kind of paving the way for older people who hid that sort of thing in secret.”

Grey Riley was diagnosed with ADHD and autism in their youth and with multiple chronic conditions as an adult. They spoke about how being at the intersection of disability and queerness has impacted their life.

Missouri Health Talks gathers Missourians’ stories of access to healthcare in their own words.

Grey Riley: I think that it's really telling that there is a high comorbidity rate of people who are ADHD or autistic, and who identify as trans in some way.

There’s a higher comorbidity rate and people who identify as some kind of non-binary amongst ADHD or autistic people then the percentage in other populations who aren't

And so, I think that is a big part of it. I think, for me – especially as someone who does not feel like they exclusively belong on as an “either” or an “or”, but more like an “and” and “so.”

"Mom always said, 'Nothing ever gets better by not talking about it.'"

Grey Riley

I would say at the intersection of queerness and my disability is – it kind of, I wouldn't say holds me back in any way other than, you know, I can't like, do as much physically active, like physical activism as I would like.

It makes me, it makes me think outside of the box more when I am trying to – I feel like – when I am trying to be active or empathetic in either community or at the intersection of both communities.

Having to deal with my chronic illness makes it easier for me to empathize with even more people than just people who identify as queer, and identifying as queer helps me empathize with more people than just people who identify as disabled.

And I think living at that intersection and being able to be in both spaces at once, gives me like more ability to enrich my life through community.

And, like, one of the things I enjoy most about being a human person is making things better and learning other people's stories.

Because I think by – as mom always said, “Nothing ever gets better by not talking about it.”

KBIA News

Grey Riley: "Authentic self-love and queer community feeds into each other."

Bailey Stover

Grey Riley has lived in Columbia for most of their life and are a polyamorous, genderqueer, disabled activist with a queer child. They spoke about how radical self-love is an important foundation for stronger communities.

So, other people's stories – learning other people's stories, getting to help people connect their stories together in ways that enrich both of their lives has always been like something that matters a lot to me.

And I think being able to live at that intersection has been really meaningful and enriching, even though, yes, being physically disabled really sucks and it's really hard not to focus on all the things that I can't do anymore or don't get to do as much.

I think there are ways that it has enriched my life and it has helped me a lot, and that's allowed me to connect other people with people that has enriched their lives.