62-year-old Tony Lutz was born and raised in Jefferson City. He came out later in life – in his 40s. He and his partner, Doug, got married in 2020. Doug passed away two years later.
Tony shared about his life and family – and spoke about the importance of being present in rural Missouri.
Alphabet Soup shares LGBTQ+ Missourians’ stories through portraiture and personal narratives.
Tony Lutz: So, your story starts at birth, then you go to school – I went to a Catholic school – you begin to be taught certain things are good and bad.
And I was one of those kids that somewhere around 11 or 12, you decided that “Oh, they're teaching me that who I am and what I am is bad. So, I've got to figure out how to change that.”
And that was in the late 1960s, early 1970s. That was what was expected.
So, I knew that I was gay by the time that I was, you know, 14, 15. I kept that hidden. I decided to do something good with my life, and I adopted three boys that are my nephews, and I raised them.
"Gay and queer people can be anywhere and should feel comfortable as such."Tony Lutz
We’re on the 31st or 32nd year of that. They're wonderful kids, and that was a good thing for me to do with my life.
So, I met Doug in 2009, here at the farm, and Doug was having a bonfire on July 4th.
Two years later, our friendship got stronger, and I would come up almost every weekend, and we just spend time together.
Over those about eight years, he talked about “all he needed was a guy who could fix the tractor, then he would be in good shape."
And in 2019, we were sitting on the front porch, it was March, and he looked over at me and said, “You know, you come up here almost every weekend, I get everything except for the guy that can fix the tractor. Have you ever thought about getting married?”
And I looked across at him, and I said, “Yeah, I actually have thought about it.”
So, we waited a year and got married during COVID, and then four months later, he got diagnosed with cancer, and he made it to June 9, 2022.
“Eventually we decided to take care of each other, and that's how we ended up getting married,” Lutz said. “I knew that we could take care of each other. It just so happened that I was the one who got to take care of him instead of him taking care of me.”
The things that have kept me in Missouri, especially in the more rural areas, is family, and supporting the other folks that are out here, that are like me, that need to know that they're okay – wherever they are in the state of Missouri, you know, gay and queer people can be anywhere and should feel comfortable as such.
That isn't always the case, but if there's more of us out here for them to see and to know and to look at us as examples, then things change for the acceptance part, too.
If there were one thing to take away from me sharing my story, I would hope that people would realize that being who you are is the most important thing for you because it allows you to enjoy your life and brings you that joy.
