Kennedy Robbins lives in Columbia and came out as a genderqueer lesbian after ending their relationship with their high school boyfriend. They spoke about realizing that they could live as their authentic self and have a happy life.
Alphabet Soup shares LGBTQ+ Missourians’ stories through portraiture and personal narratives.
Kennedy Robbins: So, I identified as bisexual for a while – it was kind of just like on the backburner though – it wasn't something that I was kind of just like, out and like proud about.
And then I got into a relationship with a man when I was 16, and we dated for about four years, and as the relationship started going on, it just – my attraction towards women kind of started become something that like I couldn't ignore.
And it just kind of kept, like, kind of growing like larger and larger in the background, I just kind of was like, “Man, I really feel like I've like missed out on this life.”
You know, like it felt like, “Oh, this was a life that I really wanted for myself that, like, I won't be able to have.”
And then it was one day woke up and I was like, “Whoa, I have agency in my own life, and I can make decisions that can, like, lead me towards things that I want for myself.”
And so, I ended that relationship and I came out as a lesbian, and that was about a year and a half ago.
I don't know if you've heard of the Lesbian Masterdoc, but I – it has its issues, but it was a very helpful tool for me.
And it's just, like, a list of a bunch of reflective questions to help – what's the word? Compulsory heterosexuality? Comp het and just how that sort of has an effect on your life.
And seeing some of those questions or just being like, “Whoa, okay,” like, “that makes a lot more sense.”
Especially because a lot of the way that, like, straight women talk about their partners – they don't always like their partners, or they're like, you know, talking about situations of, like, not really enjoying sex and not really enjoying this or just like complaining.
And I'm like, “Oh, so like this, you know, this is normal, like, we all feel this way – like, we're all kind of, like, whatever – reflecting back on things,” I guess?
Laughter
It's so funny looking back and being like, “Oh, you poor thing.”
"I get queer joy when I'm with my partner and just just doing mundane little things with them."Kennedy Robbins
Like, I would be laying in bed – just dreaming of a life of like, “Oh, I really wish I could just like grow old with a woman and just like be married to a woman and like, that would be my life.”
But, like, “Oh, I guess I've just I found my life partner, and I'm just, I'm here now, and so, I've just got to live this life of heteronormativity.”
Laughter
I've been lucky because I've been able to experience a lot of that recently. I’m seeing someone – I'm actually gonna ask you to my girlfriend on Monday.
I've noticed a lot of just being around her and just kind of like having these moments of, “Oh my god,” like, “you're a real person,” like, “you're actually, you're here right now. I'm living this life. I'm sitting next to you in this bed and like you're actually real.”
That's like crazy because I didn't think that would be possible for me at the certain point.
But it's just, like, I get queer joy when I'm with my partner and just just doing mundane little things with them that I thought I wouldn't be able to, like, do before.
I experience it with my friends who are like – at least my friends in Columbia. They're all also queer and we just like are all like being queer together and just doing queer things and watching queer shows, listening to queer music and just doing all this stuff.
And it's just it's so wonderful and comforting and freeing.
