KBIA News

Alphabet Soup

What radical courage does it take to love in the face of hate? Through portraiture and personal narratives highlighting joy, belonging, found family and meaningful romantic and platonic relationships, KBIA’s Alphabet Soup challenges the notion that Missouri’s LGBTQ+ community is a monolith.Tucked away within the amalgamation of letters that makes up the LGBTQ+ community and the complex identities each represents is joy: rebellious, resistant, radiant. If you have a story you would like to share, visit https://tinyurl.com/LGBTQJoy or contact news@kbia.org.Created by Bailey Stover.

Jermarcus Perkins: "I identify as a gay Christian, but it's been a long process for me."

KBIA | By Reporter & Photographer: Bailey Stover, Producer: Rebecca Smith, Photo Editor: Nick Sheaffer

Published September 8, 2024 at 10:47 PM CDT

Jermarcus Perkins sits at a desk on Wednesday, May 8, 2024, at Room at the Inn in Columbia. Perkins, who is 25-years-old, grew up in St. Louis, Mo., but now lives on the streets in Columbia, spending time at Room at the Inn, an emergency shelter for unhoused individuals. Perkins said he goes there when he needs a safe place to shower, sleep and let his guard down, at least for a moment. Perkins described himself as “bisexual leaning gay, which means I’m mostly attracted to men,” and said he has found it stressful navigating the stigmas and pressures of being an unhoused, Black, bisexual, Christian man with social anxiety in mid-Missouri. “I believe that your sexuality shouldn't determine if you love God. I believe that loving God is more about how you treat people, not by your sexuality,” Perkins said. “My joy comes from my own testimony. I know that I’m a living miracle because I was given a 10% chance to live after getting hit by a car. … I shouldn’t be alive, but I am. So most of my joy comes from that. But it also comes from finally being ok with myself as well. So queer joy to me is kind of being ok with yourself knowing that the only person who can judge you is God, and we need to stop judging other people for learning about themselves.”

Jermarcus Perkins is a 25-year-old bisexual Christian who lives in Columbia. He encountered many health struggles during his adolescence and dealt with bullying once he came out as queer in his late teens. He says it's been a long road to self-acceptance.

He's also been unhoused at times in his 20s and says that case managers and counselors have helped him see himself and his sexuality more clearly – all of this has shaped his view of life and his relationship with faith.

Alphabet Soup shares LGBTQ+ Missourians’ stories through portraiture and personal narratives.

Jermarcus Perkins: My story starts when I was 13 years old because that's when I first realized that I was, basically, like, I had thoughts towards guys. Everyone thought it was weird, stuff like that.

I would say like a shout out to, basically, like, my twin brother, Jamal Perkins. He kind of like, he's the reason why I'm motivated to do this story.

He always told me that it's okay for me to be myself, like he probably has always know that I was always gay, probably, and he never judged me for it.

I’m just thankful for my twin brother and thankful for my mom – even though we always get along.

Laughter

I would say my first found family was Soma Community Church. They were the first people who didn't judge me.

And then my second found family is Turning Point because I would probably, I’m not sure if I would be able to survive in the winter time if I didn't have a day shelter to stay at, and if I didn't have a night shelter to stay at.

But turning point and Soma Community Church are the other big reasons why I am the person I am today.

Queer joy to me is basically, it's like, my joy comes from my own testimony – I was born premature, had brain surgery at six years old, I was hit by car at 13, I was bullied 15 to 17, and I was going through sexual confusion from 13 to 17, and I came out as gay at 17, and I became a Christian at 20 years old.

What I'm trying to say, like, is that I shouldn't be alive, but I am. So, most of my joy comes from that, but also comes from finally being okay with myself, as well.

Jermarcus Perkins’ journal sits open on Wednesday, May 8, 2024, at Room at the Inn in Columbia. Perkins, who is unhoused, said he keeps his journals and notes close to himself as he learns to process his emotions and finds healthy ways of accepting his own identity as a bisexual man. Perkins has filled the open pages of his notebook with the following phrases: “Hope for the best. Live the best you can. Love the best you can.” “You are loved. You are encouraged. You are enlightened.” “Hope for the best. Do not assume the worst.” “I’m thankful for my life.” On the right page it reads, “No one likes to be alone but we feel we deserve to be alone at our low point in our life.”

So, that’s why queer joy to me is just kind of like being okay with yourself, knowing that the only person who can judge you is God, and we need to stop judging other people for learning about their own selves.soma

Because, like, the more you challenge other people for being themselves, you're taking take away from learning about your own self, as well.

My mom always taught me it's important to love those who don't really want to love themselves right now.

I identify as a gay Christian, like an LGBT Christian, but it's been a long process for me.

Because I believe that your sexuality shouldn't determine if you love God. I believe that loving God is more about how you treat people.

It's not about your sexuality, and like, I can't live my life for other people. I can only live my life for myself.

And the only person who can't judge me Is God – at the end.

Being a Christian to me, like, is to me, it's kind of like – it's not about how many Bible verses you know, but it's about how you treat people, and it's as simple as that.