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What radical courage does it take to love in the face of hate? Through portraiture and personal narratives highlighting joy, belonging, found family and meaningful romantic and platonic relationships, KBIA’s Alphabet Soup challenges the notion that Missouri’s LGBTQ+ community is a monolith.Tucked away within the amalgamation of letters that makes up the LGBTQ+ community and the complex identities each represents is joy: rebellious, resistant, radiant. If you have a story you would like to share, visit https://tinyurl.com/LGBTQJoy or contact news@kbia.org.Created by Bailey Stover.

Lori Jobe: "I didn't want my girls to grow up and not know who I was."

Lori Jobe, left, sits with her wife, Leigh Thrasher, on a couch in their living room on Monday, May 6, 2024, at their home in Columbia. Jobe said the couple recently celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary. “I think that, overall, joy is the fact that [I’m] able to live. Like, coming home to my wife. … Sometimes I find myself saying the word ‘wife,’ and I'm like, ‘I got a wife.’ It's so exciting. It's like, I can't hardly believe that that's real,” Jobe said. “I figured I would turn out to be a straight lady at some point, and I think 12 year old me would be really relieved that I'm not. I think they would be really happy that, finally, we made it to being ourselves. I don't think I could have pictured the life that I've got, and being married. As a 12 year old, I wouldn't have ever thought that would happen in my lifetime and to come that far from hiding in the closet. … Twelve year old me would be stunned, and, I think, impressed a little bit.”
Bailey Stover/KBIA
Lori Jobe, left, sits with her wife, Leigh Thrasher, on a couch in their living room on Monday, May 6, 2024, at their home in Columbia. Jobe said the couple recently celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary. “I think that, overall, joy is the fact that [I’m] able to live. Like, coming home to my wife. … Sometimes I find myself saying the word ‘wife,’ and I'm like, ‘I got a wife.’ It's so exciting. It's like, I can't hardly believe that that's real,” Jobe said. “I figured I would turn out to be a straight lady at some point, and I think 12 year old me would be really relieved that I'm not. I think they would be really happy that, finally, we made it to being ourselves. I don't think I could have pictured the life that I've got, and being married. As a 12 year old, I wouldn't have ever thought that would happen in my lifetime and to come that far from hiding in the closet. … Twelve year old me would be stunned, and, I think, impressed a little bit.”

Lori Jobe is a lesbian who spent much of her life trying “to be straight.” She spoke about how her two daughters played a role in her coming out and coming to terms with her sexuality.

Alphabet Soup shares LGBTQ+ Missourians’ stories through portraiture and personal narratives.

Lori Jobe: So, I had, again, in my quest to be the straight person – I got married two different times.

I was married for 10 months the first time, and that resulted in the greatest thing I ever did, and her name's Haley. So, I have a daughter from that.

And then I got married a second time, as I met a guy who was like a good friend, and I thought, “All right, I can stand this, this could not, maybe not be so horrible.”

As the kids start getting a little older, and I had a little more time, again, to think and be human, I just again, had that feeling of confined, and “this is not me,” and “what am I doing?”

"I've always been like this... I just didn't know how to come out, and I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't want to, you know, mess up your life.”

And, also, using drinking as a coping tool landed me in rehab a few times, and it's at that time that I decided to go to this conversion therapy thing.

You went to these classes, and it was led by the most unhappy people I've ever seen in my life. Like they would talk about this joy that I get from God, and I'm like, but you look like you're pissed, like, you look miserable.

And the people that were there, who were like me, I just kept wanting to talk to him and be like, “I don't think this is right.”

And I had mastered the fine art of hiding, lying and drinking myself into straightness for years, and I thought this is just more of the same, and I can't – I can't live like that.

I didn't want my girls to grow up and not know who I was. It did take me another four years, and I had been in – I had gotten in a relationship with a woman who I thought was worth coming out for, and I thought, “This is the time, if anyone asks…”

And my youngest daughter, she said, “Hey, you know the lady – your friend” – I think she called her “your friend” – “I think she really likes you,” and I said, “Yeah, I think she does.”

She goes, “No, I like I think she likes you, likes you.”

And I go, “What do you mean?”

She goes, “I think she likes you like a girlfriend.”

And I said, “Yeah, Hannah. She does.”

One of Lori Jobe’s “personal and emotional” paintings from her college years sits in her kitchen on Monday, May 6, 2024, at her home in Columbia. She said one of her art professors in college critiqued the piece so harshly she considered dropping out of school and ended up changing majors. “And then a little later, it struck me that no one should ever have an art teacher like that. So, later, I went into education because for number one reason is I never wanted anyone to have an art teacher like that,” said Jobe, who is now a high school art teacher. “And I say this to my students all the time, ‘If you're talking about me in therapy someday, you send me that bill.’ Like, I swear I will pay it. I don't want to ever wreck anybody's little fragile psyche around art.”
Bailey Stover/KBIA
One of Lori Jobe’s “personal and emotional” paintings from her college years sits in her kitchen on Monday, May 6, 2024, at her home in Columbia. She said one of her art professors in college critiqued the piece so harshly she considered dropping out of school and ended up changing majors. “And then a little later, it struck me that no one should ever have an art teacher like that. So, later, I went into education because for number one reason is I never wanted anyone to have an art teacher like that,” said Jobe, who is now a high school art teacher. “And I say this to my students all the time, ‘If you're talking about me in therapy someday, you send me that bill.’ Like, I swear I will pay it. I don't want to ever wreck anybody's little fragile psyche around art.”

She goes, “Did you just become gay?”

So, I tried to explain, “No, I didn't become – I've always been like this,” and I said, “I just didn't know how to come out, and I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't want to, you know, mess up your life.”

She teared up, and I'm like, “Oh no, I've devastated her. I'm going to ruin her life.”

And I said, “Are you okay?”

And she goes, “Yeah.” She goes, “I'm sad.”

She said, “I'm sad that you had to, like, be by yourself for that long,” and it was the sweetest thing.

She said, “if I was, if you were my age, I would be your friend, and I would tell you, ‘It's okay.’”

And I thought, you know, “That's all I ever wanted.”

Bailey Stover is a multimedia journalist who graduated in May 2024. She is the creator and voice of "Alphabet Soup," which runs weekly on KBIA.
Alex Cox is a Junior in the Missouri School of Journalism. They're a reporter and producer for KBIA.
Rebecca Smith is an award-winning reporter and producer for the KBIA Health & Wealth Desk. Born and raised outside of Rolla, Missouri, she has a passion for diving into often overlooked issues that affect the rural populations of her state – especially stories that broaden people’s perception of “rural” life.
Nick Sheaffer is the photo editor for KBIA's Alphabet Soup. He graduated with a Bachelor's in Journalism from the University of Missouri in May 2024.
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