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Alphabet Soup

What radical courage does it take to love in the face of hate? Through portraiture and personal narratives highlighting joy, belonging, found family and meaningful romantic and platonic relationships, KBIA’s Alphabet Soup challenges the notion that Missouri’s LGBTQ+ community is a monolith.Tucked away within the amalgamation of letters that makes up the LGBTQ+ community and the complex identities each represents is joy: rebellious, resistant, radiant. If you have a story you would like to share, visit https://tinyurl.com/LGBTQJoy or contact news@kbia.org.Created by Bailey Stover.

Trent Rash: "I can go back now and, in retrospect, see the signs."

KBIA | By By Bailey Stover, Photo Editor: Nick Sheaffer

Published October 17, 2025 at 2:00 PM CDT

Trent Rash sits at his piano on Monday, April 7, 2025, at his home in Columbia. “[My partner David Hall and I] were at this event for Planned Parenthood, raising money, and it's kind of a desert around here, right? We're so lucky to have it here in Columbia. And I said, ‘Anytime we get together like this in a room, and we are with each other, and we're united and we're laughing, that's what queer joy is.’ And it's so important now because it makes people so upset, which is funny to me, that they — but guess what? Guess who's really unhappy? They are. It's not us. They're just unhappy because they see what we have and they can't. I wish they'd find it for themselves because I think they'd back off,” Rash said. “Queer joy is the fact that people have fully embraced and accepted their authentic self. And that is such a burdenless place that you can't do anything but be joyful, you know? … I see trans people. I see non-binary people. I see bisexual people. I see gays, lesbians. They're just exuding who they are. And so, if you're doing that, that's queer joy. It's the intersection of your authenticity and how you're showing up in the world. And I think when those things align, you're going to be joyful, for anyone.”

Trent Rash is a gay man who spent many years trying to convince himself that he wasn't gay.

He spoke about coming out in midlife and how he had that conversation with his kids.

Alphabet Soup shares LGBTQ+ Missourians’ stories through portraiture and personal narratives.

Trent Rash: Since I've come out, I can go back now and, in retrospect, see the signs. Because I have always had a higher voice, I've been a little effeminate — in the 80s and 90s, other guys were not very nice.

I was called gay a lot when I was younger, so I was like, “I'm not!” So, then I told myself I wasn't gay because I was mad about being called that, and then I went through some really rough times with that. I'm not even sure I've shared how deeply that probably hurt me — even to my mom.

So, I also knew that I really wanted to be a dad, and, at that time, you couldn't see that as any other option than being with a woman, you know?

When I got to college, which was here at Mizzou, there were a lot of guys that were into me, I mean, it was made known to me. I was like the little, pretty twink boy, and that scared me to death. So, I ran to church, is really where I ran.

But I met my now ex-wife through church, and I was with her pretty much all the way through college, and it was rocky, you know? And I look back now and it's like, “Oh, it's because you were not with the right person,” but at that time, you know, I wouldn't say that.

Trent Rash’s copy of “Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic” by Alison Bechde sits on its stand atop a bookshelf on Monday, April 7, 2025, at his home in Columbia. Rash said Bechde is a lesbian author who wrote the book about her coming out at the same time she was learning her father was a closeted gay man. Rash said he saw parallels between his own life and that of Bechde’s father who, by the end of the story, had passed away.

“I read this, and I highly recommend anyone to read it, it’s just so beautiful. But then Stephens College did the show in the fall of 2018, and that really kind of kicked off my coming out journey because I realized if I did not come out I was gonna end up like this gentleman,” said Rash, who performed as the father’s character in the stage play. “I just knew I could see just how sad he was and how the choices he was making were affecting his family. So I knew that I did not want that for myself or my family, so it kind of broke open my journey for myself.” — Trent Rash’s copy of “Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic” by Alison Bechde sits on its stand atop a bookshelf on Monday, April 7, 2025, at his home in Columbia. Rash said Bechde is a lesbian author who wrote the book about her coming out at the same time she was learning her father was a closeted gay man. Rash said he saw parallels between his own life and that of Bechde’s father who, by the end of the story, had passed away. “I read this, and I highly recommend anyone to read it, it’s just so beautiful. But then Stephens College did the show in the fall of 2018, and that really kind of kicked off my coming out journey because I realized if I did not come out I was gonna end up like this gentleman,” said Rash, who performed as the father’s character in the stage play. “I just knew I could see just how sad he was and how the choices he was making were affecting his family. So I knew that I did not want that for myself or my family, so it kind of broke open my journey for myself.”

And so, it came to a point where she was like, “Look, I'm only staying here for you, so either ask me to marry you or I'm gonna leave.” So, I did, and then I started have these severe panic attacks, and so, I should have seen the writing on the wall.

So, then I was like, “Okay, I'm gonna go to therapy.” So, I was like, “Well, I'll choose a Christian therapist” because I was still very much on that trajectory at that time, and he was even like, “Are you sure that you're not gay?”

Really the catalyst for me kind of coming, to find myself is a really sad one — my dad committed suicide.

It just came to a point where I was like, I can't do this anymore because I'm not being honest. You're not happy, and I'm not ever going to make you, give you the happiness that you want, and I'm not happy either, and I'm never going to find happiness that I want in this relationship.

So, I go, went on this spring break trip with my family to Phoenix, and I came back from it, and it was like the Sunday night, and my ex-wife rolled over and said, “What's going on?” And I just started crying and said, “I think I'm gay.”

My ex-wife really wanted us to try to make it work, well, she's like, “Can you make this work?” And I'm like, “No, I can't make this work anymore. This isn't who I am.”

So, I had come out, and it was becoming clear I was gonna leave. My ex-wife was like, “You've got to tell the kids,” and so, I was like, I had written a, like, three-page letter, and I knew I was gonna get emotional, so I sat them down and I read this letter.

I mean, I started — which they've always known me, like, we would go to movies, and they'd look over and be like, “Oh, Dad's crying,” I mean, that's like — and they were really supportive.

It was really difficult because, really, what I sacrificed was the time with my kids, and this is the thing that is, like, the hardest part of this for me. That’s the part that's still, like, while I have so much joy now, there's still this, like, part of sadness because I don't get to see my children all the time.

Some people have kids, I think, as a vanity project, you know? For me, it was just more like I want to bring people in the world to be better humans, to make the world a better place, to grow people who are loving and kind and are going to continue to make the world a better place, really.

I think of all the energy I expended to try not to be gay, and now it's like, “I don't expend that energy, right? I just am who I am.” So, I think that I have no regrets at all.