Cynthia Martin: "I've always known I was a woman on the inside, or at least in my brain."

Cynthia Martin grew up and still lives in very rural Missouri. She’s a transgender woman that began transitioning later in life – as she approached 40.

She spoke about some of the challenges she’s faced and about her hopes for her future.

Cynthia Martin: I had trouble when I was, like, two or three years old of – I didn't know. I can remember not knowing really what the difference was between boys and girls.

And there was a time that it was, like, “Okay, I know I don't have the same parts as a girl, but do you get those later? Do they change?”

You know, I was a little kid, I just didn't know, you don't know much, and then I followed everybody's lead in, like, “Okay, you have to be a boy. You have to do these things to be a boy, and then you have to do these things as a man.” And I tried very hard to be a man and do the straight sort of thing.

So I, you know, so some of it starts when I was really little, and it wasn't until in my 30s, it was just starting to get the best of me, and just, it's like, “I can't bury this anymore.”

For me, I just, I don't know, I was just in awe about any or every woman, for the most part, because they got to be women, and nobody questioned them, you know? And nobody stood in the way of them being a woman.

I was just a little bit, like, envious of them for getting to be women, like they get to grow up, they get to have babies, they get to have husbands, you know? They get to wear pretty clothes. They get to show their feelings. They get to hug people a lot more.

KBIA News

Cynthia Martin: Finding euphoria in 'just getting to be every day.'

Bailey Stover

Cynthia Martin lives in Iberia, Missouri. She’s better known in the roller derby community as “Hulkstress.” She’s a transgender woman that came out later in life – as she approached 40, and says transitioning felt like finally “coming up for air” even though it can be tough at times in a small, rural community.

Listen • 3:59

Well, there was a point in time that I realized that I had to address myself as “her” and “she,” you know, because I was so accustomed to what I'd been told and taught and stuff like that, where I had to, I had to, like, undo all that, and it took me quite a while.

I've always known I was a woman on the inside, or at least in my brain, the rest of my body doesn't agree, and I’d still like to know the answer to why that is. I really would. I’d really love to know why I got screwed.

I haven't got to transition as far as I'd like, yet. I have responsibilities to finish raising my children and stuff, and I'm hoping now that they're pretty well grown that I can keep moving forward with more of a transition than what I have so far.

It's a process. It takes, some people do it in a short period of time, and other people, it takes years.