Tony Lutz is 62 and was born and raised in Jefferson City. He spoke about his experiences as a closeted gay man in mid Missouri – during the early days of the AIDS epidemic.
Missouri Health Talks gathers Missourians’ stories of access to healthcare in their own words.
Tony Lutz: So, I was 18 years old in 1980, and somewhere around 83, 84, 85 is when AIDS was identified, and it was identified as being in the gay population more than it was anywhere else.
So, I was, I was closeted, and I wasn't in any type of relationship, so it just put that much more restrictions on any kind of relationship you might have.
Because I've always been fearful of that possibility – even if you do practice safe sex, there's still a possibility that something could go wrong.
"The anti-gay rhetoric during the 1980s and ‘90s, because of the AIDS crisis, did make it even more difficult to show that you were who you were."Tony Lutz
Things have changed dramatically in the last 40 years, but it has taken 40 years for us to have medications that can protect you, that keeps you from getting HIV or AIDS.
But from a relationship standpoint – my first relationship was with one person for a couple of decades. It was hidden, but it was a couple decades. And then the second one was a couple years, and then the last one was marriage, and he passed away in 2022 from cancer.
The anti-gay rhetoric during the 1980s and ‘90s, because of the AIDS crisis, did make it even more difficult to show that you were who you were.
So, you, many of us – especially in communities like Jefferson City, would hide that. You wouldn't let that out no matter what.
But I know, from my husband's experience in St. Louis, he was losing friends constantly, and our government wasn't putting any efforts into trying to find out how do we stop this plague from happening to our citizens.
So, it was different for me in the small community because you were just hiding, and if you weren't active, you were protected because you weren't active.
But for the majority of people, it seemed like they were devalued and not important enough to put efforts into trying to find out how do we keep people alive with this? How do we stop it?
Things have changed so much over my 60 years, you know, from the point of the AIDS crisis in the ‘80s, to the idea of gay marriage, and then actually having gay marriage.
Those things were just expected to take decades and decades, and they happen rather quickly because it seems that the younger generations are much more accepting of people being who they are, as opposed to being what society expects you to be.
And because of that, I think my generation and the generations younger than me are benefiting from that kind of openness.
