In 2024, domestic violence shelters across the state served nearly 55,000 people who were seeking emergency shelter, court advocacy, therapy and more.
Jessica Hill works for the Missouri Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence and spoke about some of the reasons it can be hard for people to leave abusive situations.
For the month of April, we’re focusing on the those working to combat domestic and sexual violence in Missouri.
Jessica Hill: I think the biggest misconception is people who ask the questions, “Why don't they just leave?” And that is an extremely complicated answer.
But what we do see is the average is seven to eight attempts before someone is able to leave permanently, and we want to walk alongside that person as they safety plan because when a person is leaving or has just left a domestic violence relationship, that's when they're at the highest danger.
Because domestic violence is all about power and control, and if the abuser feels like they are losing control, then it can become very dangerous.
Financial reasons is another huge part of why people stay, or why it takes them several attempts to leave. I've seen anywhere from like 85% to 90% of domestic violence relationships include some aspect of financial abuse.
And so, that can be things like not allowing somebody to be able to go to work, or not giving them access to their money, taking out debt in their name. There's a lot of aspects of the financial side of things where people feel like they can't afford to leave.
And then the other part of it, of course, is threats that are made by the abuser — whether it's “I'll harm myself,” “I'll harm our children,” “I'll harm our pets” that can really be very serious and needs to be taken seriously.
So, one of the things that we really have worked on, and I do think more successfully in the last few years, is the idea of ending victim blaming. It is never a victim's fault.
No one deserves to be abused — whether that is physical, mental, emotional, financial abuse. No one deserves to be assaulted or raped.
Nothing you do. Nothing you did. Nothing you said. Nothing you wore. Nothing you drank — makes it okay to be assaulted or abused.
And so, one of the things we really try to work with victims on is rebuilding their own sense of self and self-esteem and self-worth, because they do deserve love, kindness, compassion.
And so, one of the things that is so helpful to victims is to get in part of a support group, and so, most of our programs offer those peer support groups.
And the peer support is amazing to see because I think that people who experience these kind of relationships, they don't want anyone else to ever experience that — not at the hands of their own abuser or anyone else.
And so, they're very — they're just wonderfully supportive of one another, and I think it makes a big difference for people.
