North Star Advocacy Center is a domestic and sexual violence shelter based in Maryville and that serves the northwest corner of the state.
Wyatt Williams, Meghann Kosman and Kasey Sterling all work at the center and spoke about some of the ways they are trying to break intergenerational cycles of abuse in their community by educating school aged young people on what a healthy and safe relationship looks like.
For the month of April, we’re focusing on the stories of those working to combat domestic and sexual violence in Missouri.
Wyatt Williams: We really try to act from a place of non-judgment, especially when we're talking to like a younger audience.
Everybody is going to have moments in your relationship where you're not perfect, where things are not abusive, but they're unhealthy.
It's been a big sticking point for even me and Kasey – we did a presentation this morning – emphasizing “you're going to make mistakes,” and “there are going to be things in relationships that are not perfect. You're human.”
But what is important and what leads you to that path of having a healthy relationship is that open communication, that accountability and that real change of “If I say I'm going to do something, you need to see that acted out.”
If a person comes to you and says, “Oh, I'm so, so sorry, it's never going to happen again,” and that behavior keeps repeating – that's going to lead towards those unhealthy or abusive tendencies.
But sometimes there's kind of a dooming mindset where we talk about domestic or sexual violence that “Oh, if I make this mistake, I'm going to be an abusive person.”
I don't want somebody to think in that way. I want them to really kind of understand that what they do has potential to lead to unhealthy outcomes, but there's always an opportunity for you to see your actions and remedy those things and move towards that healthier relationship.
Meghann Kosman: What I find with, once in a while going over to help with the support groups with the teen girls – there's a profound fear of not being believed whether you've been sexually assaulted or you've been in an intimate partner violent relationship or domestic violence relationship,
Or for the younger people that might not have experienced a relationship yet, but witnessing or experiencing domestic violence at home between the parents, and I think that, still, there is a profound fear of not being believed.
And so, what we really try to promote – whether it's in the elementary or middle school or high school or college -- is that advocates, we will believe you.
Kasey Sterling: I think I'm excited just to continue to break down the taboo culture of domestic violence and sexual assault is something that happens behind closed doors and needs to stay behind closed doors.
For me, I think the idea of just that we get out and we educate our community and our youth and just everyone – that we would be able to continue to build a positive culture and environment surrounding this really hard and awful topic.
And just that survivors know that there is somebody that believes them in the corner of northwest Missouri and that we are here to talk to.
