Dear Listener,
Here’s some breaking news: I have seen the draft design for the Trump Presidential Library. I don’t know where it’s going to be located. It could be on one of his properties, except he may have to sell them all to pay his debts and legal fees.
But I do know some of what’s going in it, wherever it’s built. My secret source is a former top official in the Trump administration and therefore completely reliable and trustworthy. Feel free to add to; here’s your chance to be an architect and interior designer. I’m sure they’re looking for ideas.
· The “Alternative Facts Room” – the largest space in the facility, with an individual plaque for each of his 30,573 lies. If each plaque is a foot square, the space will be not quite big enough to accommodate the Goodyear blimp. But it will be – Yuge.
· The “Be Best Room,” where family artifacts will be displayed, such as Melania’s “I don’t care. Do you?” jacket and the side-by-side photographs of Jerad Kushner and Mark Zuckerberg that prove they both go to same botox clinic.
· The “Girlfriends Room,” aka “Stormy Daniels Room.” The contents of this room are unknown at this time because they are in litigation. But we do know its location -- as far away from the Be Best Room as possible.
· The “Russia Room.” Highlights will include the large collection of political cartoons depicting Trump as a lapdog or collared pet. One option under consideration is expanding this room to be the “Foreign Dictators I Loved” Room, which would need to be one of the largest in the building.
· The “Mexican Wall Room” will contain a 30 foot replica that is half the length of wall that was actually built. There will be a cash box for donations to complete the wall – Mexican pesos only accepted.
· The “Hall of Shame Room” will have photos of politicians and others loyal to Trump but whose loyalty was not reciprocated. This will also need to be a very large room.
· The “2018 Income Tax Paid Room” will be one of the smallest. Not much space is required to hold a table on which $750 in $50 bills is placed.
· The “Stop the Steal Evidence Room” can also be quite small, since there is nothing to put in it.
· The “’Only I Can Do It’ Strong Leadership Room,” in which the real time Covid deaths tally will update on a screen, with the “I don’t take any responsibility at all” quote prominently displayed. And of course:
· The “Dubious Distinction Room,” featuring the three impeached presidents, with small busts of Andrew Johnson and Bill Clinton and two full-body statues of Trump. One is him holding the Bible in front of the D.C. church and the other is him ripping off his mask on the White House balcony.
Let’s see. Anything missing? Oh yeah: Actual books. Oh well. Can’t have everything, I suppose.
Dr. Terry Smith is a Political Science Professor at Columbia College and a regular commentator on KBIA's Talking Politics.