Hope Schust is a masc, non-binary queer person who was born in Kenya. They spoke about how music impacts their life – allowing them to express their emptions and find solace in the midst of life’s changing environments.
Alphabet Soup shares LGBTQ+ Missourians’ stories through portraiture and personal narratives.
Hope Schust: I think I've always been very queer, and I never really learned the terminology for it until like, maybe third grade or so.
But in elementary school, it started very – I was very confident. I knew that I wanted to wear pants at school, and I knew that I wanted to be called a tomboy.
And then, I think in middle school when I wasn't at private school anymore, and everyone kind of wore what they wanted to – I started to lose some of that confidence.
Not everyone, you know, was invited to everyone's birthday party anymore. Things got a little more separated, and so, I started to lose some of that gender, masculine confidence.
But I think throughout my whole life, I've always been pretty sure about my gender. It was a very welcoming environment at home.
It was a very welcoming environment at home. When I was a kid, I realized I wanted to play basketball, and it just felt like that. I was like, “Hey, Mom, I want to play basketball.” It’s the same thing. It's like, “Oh, I realized I like women.” It was like, “Oh, mom, by the way, I have a crush on this girl,” and it was just like any other day.
Well, I was born in Nairobi, Kenya, and then I was adopted and brought to America, and, yeah, I think being Kenyan is something that I really want to hold on to because I'm so far away from Kenya, sometimes it feels like I am losing part of my identity, but I try to hold on to it in the way of music.
I can be myself fully probably when I'm around music – whether I'm playing music or I'm dancing to music or I'm listening to other people play music – I think every question in my mind, or any worry, or anxiety that I have, tends to just go away.
And I just, I just feel like myself – I don't know, just driving in my car with music with my windows down. Maybe playing something really gay.
Laughter
That feels, I don’t know – I feel very affirmed in myself.
When I play a song, and I'm expressing myself, I tend to play what matches my moods. So, growing up, if I had like an argument with my family, I would go downstairs and play my piano.
I think my favorite keyboard memory is probably when I was a kid, and I remember, like, just, being in my bedroom, and I would like turn the lights off and I'd hit , like, the tango version, or whatever, on the keyboard and just like dance, and like pretend like I knew how to play music to it.
And I think I was just so free and happy. I just love the fact that I can find so much joy and creativity and freedom within music because I've made community just within a few friendships, and I think it means safety, comfort and empowerment.
Being queer is beautiful, and it's amazing, and it's fun, and it's like a blanket on a cold day.
Laughter
It's just a good thing.