Terri Lipe lives in Bolivar and has been caregiving for her mother for 11 years. To make ends meet, she began a take-and-bake casserole business out of her home.
She’s also a co-facilitator, alongside her friend Billie Baldwin, of Caregivers Helping Caregivers, a support group which meets once a month.
They spoke about the ever-evolving life of a familial caregiver.
Missouri Health Talks gathers Missourians’ stories of access to healthcare in their own words.
Terri Lipe: You know, I am blessed. I cannot say that I'm not blessed because my stepdad had Alzheimer's. So, mom was with him, obviously, every single day. I think she might have missed 10 days in three years not going to the nursing home.
She did the Senior Olympics; she did all the things. She was, I mean, those people came to our home parties — the staff from the nursing home. So, she knew what was coming. Literally knew what was coming.
She did everything I did. I did everything she did. So growing up, we were peas in a pod. We're still very close, but it's just different. Now she's the kid and I'm the mom, you know, and she would even tell people, “We have traded places. “She tells me what to do now.”
So, I am blessed in that she — I don't want to say wasn't fearful of the future because I can't imagine having this and not being — she would say things to me like, “What are you going to do when I get mean and hit you?”
And you don't know my mama, but she's five foot two, used to weigh 120 pounds, and I said, “Well, A - you're half my size, so I think I could probably take you.” And I said, “B - you're gonna be that sweet little lady in the corner holding the babies. You're not gonna be the angry, mean one.”
And sure enough, the woman steals people's dolls in the nursing home. She has like 12 dolls in her room right now.
Billie Baldwin: Cause your mama has a caregiver heart.
Terri Lipe: She was a caregiver.
Billie Baldwin: And she, your mom because of her history — as an outside observer — she didn't struggle with the diagnosis.
Terri Lipe: No, she didn't.
Billie Baldwin: Outwardly, outwardly. Nobody knows what she was thinking, but we would come on casserole pickup day, and she was always so sweet and funny, and she would say, “You know, they say I've got that Alzheimer’s.”
She would say that.
She said, “I don't know, maybe I do,” and then she'd look in the back of the puzzle book for the answers.
Laughter
Terri Lipe: And then there would come days when she tried to get in the car with the people and go home with them. So, I mean, I had to — I was constantly evolving into something different. I could. It was never the same.
You know, used to, when I first opened the business downstairs, she'd help me cut up vegetables. Then she didn't know what to do with a knife.
Then she'd sit in her chair and do the word find books. Then she'd look for the answers. Then she didn't know the answers were there.
And then it got to where I couldn't let customers come in because she was so confused.
Well, and it would kind of scare her.
Terri Lipe: I mean, it was just the strangest journey.
Billie Baldwin: When you are a caregiver to someone, you almost become the human version of kinetic sand because you must always it's ever evolving.
Terri Lipe: Yep.
Billie Baldwin: It's ever evolving. Those fun little dial pictures, you know, or the kinetic sand that holds its shape and then it doesn't, but then you can remold it, but then it's gone. That is being a caregiver 24/7.
Terri Lipe: Minute by minute, minute by minute.
