Abby Dickinson is a 22-year-old bisexual person, and spoke about coming out in a straight-passing relationship and combating bi-erasure.
Alphabet Soup shares LGBTQ+ Missourians’ stories through portraiture and personal narratives.
Abby Dickinson: The first person I came out to as bisexual was my boyfriend – my boyfriend at the time, not my current boyfriend.
When I said to him, “I'm bisexual.” His first response was, “Great, that means we can have a threesome.”
For him to kind of take that and then, like, say something that disgusting in response to it, just kind of ruined the moment for me, because, in my head, it's me sharing an aspect of my identity with him, and he kind of took that and made it a sexual experience about him.
But the way that I came out to my mom, it was just like, “Oh, by the way, Mom, I think I might be bisexual,” and she said, “Oh, are you sure?” And I'm just like, “Yeah, I think so,” and she's like, “Well, alright,” you know, “does it even matter? You have a boyfriend?”
Yes, it does matter – I might not always have a boyfriend.
A big problem with being bisexual, specifically, is that, you know, even though it is a category – people still want it to be one way or the other.
There's the idea that being in a heteronormative relationship kind of negates the idea that you are bisexual, and that's not true at all.
Being in a relationship with a man doesn't take away from the fact that I am both attracted to men and women. That doesn't change that – literally at all.
And I am very fortunate that my current partner loves the fact that I love women, and we get to talk about pretty female celebrities together, and it's fantastic.
You know, it's just a very unfortunate aspect of being bisexual – that also, people, first of all, have to make it sexual and about men immediately.
And I love that I get to experience the world through the lens of bisexuality. I think that it's a privilege, and I love who I am as a result of it.
I would hate being straight, if I'm being honest – that sounds so boring.
Laughter
I like that I stick out a little more because it just feels so myself, and I do a lot of that by being with people that make me feel fully accepted and that I can feel fully comfortable around.
And I think that people who are queer need to have as many queer friends as possible. I always think that it's so funny when I see in movies – like the one gay friend, like the token gay friend – because in my world, there's the one token straight friend. All of the rest of them are gay.
Laughter
![Caitlin Cunningham laughs while sitting on their couch on Saturday, April 20, 2024, at their home in Columbia. “When you know so much darkness, suddenly the light is so bright,” Cunningham said. “I mean, queer joy will blind you. You should live so brightly that it hurts people’s eyes. Other people should have to put on sunglasses [because] you’re living so brightly.” Cunningham, who is 40 years old, is pansexual, nonbinary and non-monogamous. “You know the big joke is always, ‘Oh, you know you’re non-monogamous when your color-coded calendar is shared with four other people.’ And, it’s true. You have to be on top of your A game in terms of keeping things organized because you’re going to hurt somebody’s feelings otherwise,” Cunningham said. “Yes, it’s difficult. Yeah, you joke about calendars and getting together and having enough energy and everything, but ultimately time and energy are the limiting factors. Love is not the limiting factor.”](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/bd0e168/2147483647/strip/true/crop/1750x1158+0+0/resize/260x172!/format/webp/quality/90/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F2d%2F59%2F5bde8f414630bd00882735cb327a%2F20240420-bas-queer-joy-caitlin-cunningham-0032.jpg)