Abby Dickinson is a 23-yea-old bisexual person. They spoke about how they're casually exploring their gender identity — without putting too much pressure on themselves.
Alphabet Soup shares LGBTQ+ Missourians’ stories through portraiture and personal narratives.
Abby Dickinson: Gender, and the concept of it, for me, has kind of taken a back burner, in that, I'm very busy and I don't want to think about it.
So, I just kind of slapped she/they pronouns on myself, and just said, “I'm just going to leave it like that for now, and if that changes, then great,” but I don't have time to think about that right now.
Laughter
And I don't want to delve into that.
But I do love the idea that despite me finding comfort in labels, I also find comfort in not confining to certain aspects of gender, and that is — this has been the hardest struggle for me, is doing things outside of the traditional idea of like being feminine because of the way that my family acts away around gender.
It's hard, so it's kind of taken a, for me, it's kind of taken a back burner in that I am comfortable in my femininity, but I also, you know, like the idea of being more androgynous and being more masculine, and I just, it hasn't taken priority for me recently.
So I've just, like I said, I just kind of slapped she/ they pronouns on myself, and I said, “You know what? I'm fine with that, at least for now, and if that changes, then so be it.”
But gender has been a lot harder for me to break out of internally than it has been for sexuality. For, you know, a lot of reasons.
I'm trying to think of an analogy for this — I think that, for me, I'm approaching the idea of gender and gender identity in the same way that I have approached my physical appearance, in, like, the style that I have and the things that I wear and do.
And I've tried out a lot of different clothing styles and a lot of different accessories and a lot of different methods for styling my hair and things like that, and jewelry and whatever else.
And it's taken a lot of trial and error by saying, you know, “Oh, here's this cute shirt. I'm gonna wear this and,” you know, “I don't know if it's comfortable. I've never worn it before,” and so, I'll try it on and if it's cute and if I like it and if it feels good on me — then it becomes a part of my wardrobe and the things that I wear regularly every day.
And so, I think that is, that's kind of the approach that I'm taking in terms of gender identity. Where I'm kind of trying things on to see if I feel comfortable in them because, to me, there's not really a way to say “That is my identity” until you have worn it.
![Carol Snively, a queer woman and former President of The Center Project who came out in her 30s, stands on the building’s steps on Thursday, Dec. 19, 2024, in front of The Center Project in Columbia. “Because she was so likeable, everyone loved Ellen [DeGeneres]. She was so funny, and so I think it did help family members, although it took me a while to tell every one of my family members. I was very nervous about [coming out] for very silly reasons that didn’t end up being a need to be fearful. They’re all very accepting. It just took me a long time. But yes, having people in the public eye that were out—because after she came out lots of other people started saying what their identities were,” Snively said. “And so the fact that there were celebrities who were starting to talk about things and normalize identities, I think that really helped for me. It didn’t change who I was, but it made it easier for me to verbalize who I was.”](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/f184ad4/2147483647/strip/true/crop/1728x1143+22+0/resize/260x172!/format/webp/quality/90/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F2b%2Fbd%2F94ba4fa54eb5a2335f025df8de94%2F20241219-bas-queer-joy-carol-snively-0054.jpg)
![Trent Rash sits at his piano on Monday, April 7, 2025, at his home in Columbia. “[My partner David Hall and I] were at this event for Planned Parenthood, raising money, and it's kind of a desert around here, right? We're so lucky to have it here in Columbia. And I said, ‘Anytime we get together like this in a room, and we are with each other, and we're united and we're laughing, that's what queer joy is.’ And it's so important now because it makes people so upset, which is funny to me, that they — but guess what? Guess who's really unhappy? They are. It's not us. They're just unhappy because they see what we have and they can't. I wish they'd find it for themselves because I think they'd back off,” Rash said. “Queer joy is the fact that people have fully embraced and accepted their authentic self. And that is such a burdenless place that you can't do anything but be joyful, you know? … I see trans people. I see non-binary people. I see bisexual people. I see gays, lesbians. They're just exuding who they are. And so, if you're doing that, that's queer joy. It's the intersection of your authenticity and how you're showing up in the world. And I think when those things align, you're going to be joyful, for anyone.”](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/9826378/2147483647/strip/true/crop/1750x1158+0+0/resize/260x172!/format/webp/quality/90/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F2b%2F95%2F418b4ac54824a63216062dfd1db2%2F20250407-bas-queer-joy-trent-rash-0282.jpg)
